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I feel like the picture above almost perfectly describes my inner feelings in the past week.
So I knew where this was coming from. Discouragement, disappointment, and despair are the opposite of faith, hope, encouragement. Because there must be an opposition in all things, the adversary is a very prevalent part of this mortal experience. His relevance, however, depends on how much of our lives we give him to control. As a part of the Plan of Salvation, we have been given the opportunity from our Father in Heaven to choose. Our choices in this life will lead us one of two ways - towards God or away from Him. However, understanding how we come to make these choices can also bring us great power. I understood how I was feeling, and I understood where that was coming from. However my actions, or choices, were directly dependent on my thoughts as well. David O McKay said, "Every action is preceded by a thought. If we want to control our actions we must control our thinking." As I changed my thoughts and shifted them to focus on other things, I found that my choices followed suit. Because I knew the source of my feelings, I also knew the actions or steps I had to slowly take to change my desires and feelings.
Friday morning rolled around, and I got out of bed early, took a shower, and got ready for work. Though I really didn't want to, I decided to listen to a conference talk. I went to the gospel library on my phone, randomly swiped to the April 2010 General Conference and swiped down until my eye caught a talk with the word 'missionary' in the title. Because this seemed to be one of my problems, I started to listen to it. The full title of the talk is "The Divine Call of a Missionary" by Ronald A. Rasband, and what he said in that talk seemed to speak directly to my very soul:
"I joined Elder Eyring early one morning in a room where several large computer screens had been prepared for the session. There was also a staff member from the Missionary Department who had been assigned to assist us that day.
First, we knelt together in prayer. I remember Elder Eyring using very sincere words, asking the Lord to bless him to know “perfectly” where the missionaries should be assigned. The word “perfectly” said much about the faith that Elder Eyring exhibited that day.
As the process began, a picture of the missionary to be assigned would come up on one of the computer screens. As each picture appeared, to me it was as if the missionary were in the room with us. Elder Eyring would then greet the missionary with his kind and endearing voice: “Good morning, Elder Reier or Sister Yang. How are you today?”
He told me that in his own mind he liked to think of where the missionaries would conclude their mission. This would aid him to know where they were to be assigned. Elder Eyring would then study the comments from the bishops and stake presidents, medical notes, and other issues relating to each missionary.
He then referred to another screen which displayed areas and missions across the world. Finally, as he was prompted by the Spirit, he would assign the missionary to his or her field of labor...
After assigning a few missionaries, Elder Eyring turned to me as he pondered one particular missionary and said, “So, Brother Rasband, where do you think this missionary should go?” I was startled! I quietly suggested to Elder Eyring that I did not know and that I did not know I could know! He looked at me directly and simply said, “Brother Rasband, pay closer attention and you too can know!” With that, I pulled my chair a little closer to Elder Eyring and the computer screen, and I did pay much closer attention!
A couple of other times as the process moved along, Elder Eyring would turn to me and say, “Well, Brother Rasband, where do you feel this missionary should go?” I would name a particular mission, and Elder Eyring would look at me thoughtfully and say, “No, that’s not it!” He would then continue to assign the missionaries where he had felt prompted.
As we were nearing the completion of that assignment meeting, a picture of a certain missionary appeared on the screen. I had the strongest prompting, the strongest of the morning, that the missionary we had before us was to be assigned to Japan. I did not know that Elder Eyring was going to ask me on this one, but amazingly he did. I rather tentatively and humbly said to him, “Japan?” Elder Eyring responded immediately, “Yes, let’s go there.” And up on the computer screen the missions of Japan appeared. I instantly knew that the missionary was to go to the Japan Sapporo Mission.
Elder Eyring did not ask me the exact name of the mission, but he did assign that missionary to the Japan Sapporo Mission.
Privately in my heart I was deeply touched and sincerely grateful to the Lord for allowing me to experience the prompting to know where that missionary should go.
At the end of the meeting Elder Eyring bore his witness to me of the love of the Savior, which He has for each missionary assigned to go out into the world and preach the restored gospel. He said that it is by the great love of the Savior that His servants know where these wonderful young men and women, senior missionaries, and senior couple missionaries are to serve. I had a further witness that morning that every missionary called in this Church, and assigned or reassigned to a particular mission, is called by revelation from the Lord God Almighty through one of these, His servants."
As I knelt there on my bedroom floor, in my half dressed state, with my hair halfway dry and my blow dryer sitting in my other hand, I bowed my head. With tears streaming down my face, I thanked Heavenly Father at that moment for the personal revelation that I had just received. I thanked Him for allowing me to receive the confirmation I needed to know that where I am called to serve as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is more than an assignment that needs to be filled. It is a divine calling for me. And as I felt that confirmation of truth, peace and clarity seemed to wash over me, and a new determination to press on in faith occurred.
Because of the prayer of a young boy in a grove of trees, we know that God still communicates with His children. Receiving personal revelation for ourselves is one of the greatest blessings that we can have in this life. I know that to be true now more than ever.
God is aware of me and He is aware of you. As we seek, ponder, pray and put good thoughts into action, we will find that we will more clearly see the path back to Him.
God lives.
He speaks to His children still.
And at the end of the day, that's a pretty awesome truth to know.
'Till next time.
Emily.
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