Here's What I Know

Within an hour of right now, I will be set apart as a full-time missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints with a purpose and call to serve for 18 months in the Micronesia Guam Mission.  It's so funny how 5 months has gone by so fast, from the time I graduated college to when I received my call, to me reporting to the Missionary Training Center in Provo, UT this Wednesday.

Life has been crazy.  Life has been full.  Life will soon change.

Time before the mission seems to go by in spurts of slow and fast.  Some moments can't get over soon enough, and others you just want to bottle up and freeze time for a while. But above all, it's allowed for reflection.  I think of all the preparation that has gone into this moment.  The preparation of teachers, friends, parents, and loved ones has helped shape how I have personally prepared for this mission.  I am so grateful for the examples that have been set, the choices that have been made, and the loving words that have been spoken to encourage me to be the best disciple I could be.  My primary teachers taught me I was a child of God.  My Young Women leaders reminded me I was a daughter of God.  Visiting teachers have reminded me that God does not forget His children.  Roommates reminded me that we are never alone.  Friends have reminded me of my worth.  Family has reminded me how to love.  My Parents have taught me who to be.  And to all these people I will be forever grateful.

Okay.  Real talk.  I'm scared.  I'm scared of the unknown, what I'll do, how well I'll do it, and if I'll be good at it at all.  I fear being forgotten.  That lives will pass on blissfully without me present in them. However, I also know that what I'm doing is a great work, and that I have been divinely chosen for this call.  And that brings me peace, comfort and assurance.

In the October 2014 General Conference, Elder Jorg Klebingat said, "Acknolwedge and face your weaknesses, but don't be a immobilized by them."  I know that just as faith can allow us to do amazing things, fear can paralyze us.  But, as we act in patience with faith, we will be richly blessed. Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, "Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!"

So.  I have weaknesses.  You have weaknesses.  We all suffer from them, whether they be physical, mental or spiritual.  But to the best of our capacity, we should never allow these weakness to paralyze us.  As we continue in patience and exercise faith in humility, we will be richly blessed.

I end with the words of Jeffery R. Holland from his talk, The First Great Commandment:

"Ours is not a feeble message. It is not a fleeting task. It is not hapless; it is not hopeless; it is not to be consigned to the ash heap of history. It is the work of Almighty God, and it is to change the world...So we have neighbors to bless, children to protect, the poor to lift up, and the truth to defend. We have wrongs to make right, truths to share, and good to do. In short, we have a life of devoted discipleship to give in demonstrating our love of the Lord. We can’t quit and we can’t go back. After an encounter with the living Son of the living God, nothing is ever again to be as it was before. The Crucifixion, Atonement, and Resurrection of Jesus Christ mark the beginning of a Christian life, not the end of it. It was this truth, this reality, that allowed a handful of Galilean fishermen-turned-again-Apostles without “a single synagogue or sword” to leave those nets a second time and go on to shape the history of the world in which we now live."



God lives.  And He sent His beloved Son to Earth so that we could learn of Him.  He sent His son to die for us.  For you and for me.  And because of that love, that infinite and eternal and all encompassing love, we can someday be like Him.  We can someday live with Him.

And at the end of the day, that's a pretty awesome truth to know.

'Till next time.

Emily. 

Losing the Desire and Finding it Again

Before you leave on your mission, the right of passage seems to require you to ride the roller coaster of feelings, emotions, doubts, fears, and all other things crazy.  This last week was tough for me.  I had lost desires to do anything.  To do work, eat, read my scriptures, talk about my mission, or even shower. I felt drained, tired, and somewhat lackluster about life in general.  I was a spiritual, and somewhat physical, couch potato.

http://a.dilcdn.com/bl/wp-content/uploads/sites/8/2012/09/nosedive.jpg

I feel like the picture above almost perfectly describes my inner feelings in the past week.  

So I knew where this was coming from.  Discouragement, disappointment, and despair are the opposite of faith, hope, encouragement.  Because there must be an opposition in all things, the adversary is a very prevalent part of this mortal experience.  His relevance, however, depends on how much of our lives we give him to control.  As a part of the Plan of Salvation, we have been given the opportunity from our Father in Heaven to choose.  Our choices in this life will lead us one of two ways - towards God or away from Him.  However, understanding how we come to make these choices can also bring us great power.  I understood how I was feeling, and I understood where that was coming from.  However my actions, or choices, were directly dependent on my thoughts as well.  David O McKay said, "Every action is preceded by a thought.  If we want to control our actions we must control our thinking."  As I changed my thoughts and shifted them to focus on other things, I found that my choices followed suit.  Because I knew the source of my feelings, I also knew the actions or steps I had to slowly take to change my desires and feelings.  

Friday morning rolled around, and I got out of bed early, took a shower, and got ready for work. Though I really didn't want to, I decided to listen to a conference talk.  I went to the gospel library on my phone, randomly swiped to the April 2010 General Conference and swiped down until my eye caught a talk with the word 'missionary' in the title.  Because this seemed to be one of my problems, I started to listen to it.  The full title of the talk is "The Divine Call of a Missionary" by Ronald A. Rasband, and what he said in that talk seemed to speak directly to my very soul:

"I joined Elder Eyring early one morning in a room where several large computer screens had been prepared for the session. There was also a staff member from the Missionary Department who had been assigned to assist us that day.

First, we knelt together in prayer. I remember Elder Eyring using very sincere words, asking the Lord to bless him to know “perfectly” where the missionaries should be assigned. The word “perfectly” said much about the faith that Elder Eyring exhibited that day.

As the process began, a picture of the missionary to be assigned would come up on one of the computer screens. As each picture appeared, to me it was as if the missionary were in the room with us. Elder Eyring would then greet the missionary with his kind and endearing voice: “Good morning, Elder Reier or Sister Yang. How are you today?”

He told me that in his own mind he liked to think of where the missionaries would conclude their mission. This would aid him to know where they were to be assigned. Elder Eyring would then study the comments from the bishops and stake presidents, medical notes, and other issues relating to each missionary.

He then referred to another screen which displayed areas and missions across the world. Finally, as he was prompted by the Spirit, he would assign the missionary to his or her field of labor...

After assigning a few missionaries, Elder Eyring turned to me as he pondered one particular missionary and said, “So, Brother Rasband, where do you think this missionary should go?” I was startled! I quietly suggested to Elder Eyring that I did not know and that I did not know I could know! He looked at me directly and simply said, “Brother Rasband, pay closer attention and you too can know!” With that, I pulled my chair a little closer to Elder Eyring and the computer screen, and I did pay much closer attention!

A couple of other times as the process moved along, Elder Eyring would turn to me and say, “Well, Brother Rasband, where do you feel this missionary should go?” I would name a particular mission, and Elder Eyring would look at me thoughtfully and say, “No, that’s not it!” He would then continue to assign the missionaries where he had felt prompted.

As we were nearing the completion of that assignment meeting, a picture of a certain missionary appeared on the screen. I had the strongest prompting, the strongest of the morning, that the missionary we had before us was to be assigned to Japan. I did not know that Elder Eyring was going to ask me on this one, but amazingly he did. I rather tentatively and humbly said to him, “Japan?” Elder Eyring responded immediately, “Yes, let’s go there.” And up on the computer screen the missions of Japan appeared. I instantly knew that the missionary was to go to the Japan Sapporo Mission.

Elder Eyring did not ask me the exact name of the mission, but he did assign that missionary to the Japan Sapporo Mission.

Privately in my heart I was deeply touched and sincerely grateful to the Lord for allowing me to experience the prompting to know where that missionary should go.

At the end of the meeting Elder Eyring bore his witness to me of the love of the Savior, which He has for each missionary assigned to go out into the world and preach the restored gospel. He said that it is by the great love of the Savior that His servants know where these wonderful young men and women, senior missionaries, and senior couple missionaries are to serve. I had a further witness that morning that every missionary called in this Church, and assigned or reassigned to a particular mission, is called by revelation from the Lord God Almighty through one of these, His servants."

As I knelt there on my bedroom floor, in my half dressed state, with my hair halfway dry and my blow dryer sitting in my other hand, I bowed my head.  With tears streaming down my face, I thanked Heavenly Father at that moment for the personal revelation that I had just received.  I thanked Him for allowing me to receive the confirmation I needed to know that where I am called to serve as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is more than an assignment that needs to be filled.  It is a divine calling for me.  And as I felt that confirmation of truth, peace and clarity seemed to wash over me, and a new determination to press on in faith occurred.  

Because of the prayer of a young boy in a grove of trees, we know that God still communicates with His children.  Receiving personal revelation for ourselves is one of the greatest blessings that we can have in this life.  I know that to be true now more than ever.  

God is aware of me and He is aware of you.  As we seek, ponder, pray and put good thoughts into action, we will find that we will more clearly see the path back to Him.

God lives. 

He speaks to His children still.

And at the end of the day, that's a pretty awesome truth to know.

'Till next time. 

Emily.