Sharing Goodness: He is Good

I think that every person finds themselves in a different place at different points in their lives.  That's the natural progression of things, I think.  Different stages of life tend to mold us, turn us inside out, upside down, or even make us a little taller (didn't happen in my case, unfortunately).

Growing older brings wisdom.
It brings remorse and regret.
It brings pain.
It brings laughter.
Life always seems to keep on going, whether we're ready for it to go on or not.
Within a matter of seconds, the breath of life may leave one body and enter another.
And, within a matter of seconds, we may find ourselves in a state of exquisite joy or exquisite pain.

Life is hard sometimes.  Okay, a lot of the times.  We may struggle with physical, mental, emotional or spiritual frailties that can be so debilitating and suck the light out of our lives.  Sometimes it may be hard to see the light.  Sometimes it may be hard to see the joy.  Sometimes it may be hard to see God.

I've had times like that.  There was a time on my mission that I was so overwhelmed.  I had come face to face with some of my weaknesses that were hard to acknowledge.  I felt broken.  And I didn't see where the joy was.  I still have times like that.

BUT.
He knows.
He understands.

And while I don't fully know, while I don't completely understand....I know enough to reach out, reach up, and turn to the One who can make us whole.

The Carpenter of Nazareth

In Nazareth, the narrow road,

That tires the feet and steals the breath,

Passes the place where once abode

The Carpenter of Nazareth.

And up and down the dusty way

The village folk would often wend;

And on the bench, beside Him, lay

Their broken things for Him to mend.

The maiden with the doll she broke,

The woman with the broken chair,

The man with broken plough, or yoke,

Said, “Can you mend it, Carpenter?”

And each received the thing he sought,

In yoke, or plough, or chair, or doll;

The broken thing which each had brought

Returned again a perfect whole.

So, up the hill the long years through,

With heavy step and wistful eye,

The burdened souls their way pursue,

Uttering each the plaintive cry:

“O Carpenter of Nazareth,

This heart, that’s broken past repair,

This life, that’s shattered nigh to death,

Oh, can You mend them, Carpenter?”

And by His kind and ready hand,

His own sweet life is woven through

Our broken lives, until they stand

A New Creation—“all things new.”

“The shattered [substance] of [the] heart,

Desire, ambition, hope, and faith,

Mould Thou into the perfect part,

O, Carpenter of Nazareth. 

("Broken Things to Mend", Jeffery R. Holland)

When we are bruised. 

When we are broken. 

When we are less than whole. 

He is there.  

He always has been, and He always will be. 

He is good. 

And, for right now, that's good enough for me.   

Here's What I Know

Within an hour of right now, I will be set apart as a full-time missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints with a purpose and call to serve for 18 months in the Micronesia Guam Mission.  It's so funny how 5 months has gone by so fast, from the time I graduated college to when I received my call, to me reporting to the Missionary Training Center in Provo, UT this Wednesday.

Life has been crazy.  Life has been full.  Life will soon change.

Time before the mission seems to go by in spurts of slow and fast.  Some moments can't get over soon enough, and others you just want to bottle up and freeze time for a while. But above all, it's allowed for reflection.  I think of all the preparation that has gone into this moment.  The preparation of teachers, friends, parents, and loved ones has helped shape how I have personally prepared for this mission.  I am so grateful for the examples that have been set, the choices that have been made, and the loving words that have been spoken to encourage me to be the best disciple I could be.  My primary teachers taught me I was a child of God.  My Young Women leaders reminded me I was a daughter of God.  Visiting teachers have reminded me that God does not forget His children.  Roommates reminded me that we are never alone.  Friends have reminded me of my worth.  Family has reminded me how to love.  My Parents have taught me who to be.  And to all these people I will be forever grateful.

Okay.  Real talk.  I'm scared.  I'm scared of the unknown, what I'll do, how well I'll do it, and if I'll be good at it at all.  I fear being forgotten.  That lives will pass on blissfully without me present in them. However, I also know that what I'm doing is a great work, and that I have been divinely chosen for this call.  And that brings me peace, comfort and assurance.

In the October 2014 General Conference, Elder Jorg Klebingat said, "Acknolwedge and face your weaknesses, but don't be a immobilized by them."  I know that just as faith can allow us to do amazing things, fear can paralyze us.  But, as we act in patience with faith, we will be richly blessed. Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, "Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!"

So.  I have weaknesses.  You have weaknesses.  We all suffer from them, whether they be physical, mental or spiritual.  But to the best of our capacity, we should never allow these weakness to paralyze us.  As we continue in patience and exercise faith in humility, we will be richly blessed.

I end with the words of Jeffery R. Holland from his talk, The First Great Commandment:

"Ours is not a feeble message. It is not a fleeting task. It is not hapless; it is not hopeless; it is not to be consigned to the ash heap of history. It is the work of Almighty God, and it is to change the world...So we have neighbors to bless, children to protect, the poor to lift up, and the truth to defend. We have wrongs to make right, truths to share, and good to do. In short, we have a life of devoted discipleship to give in demonstrating our love of the Lord. We can’t quit and we can’t go back. After an encounter with the living Son of the living God, nothing is ever again to be as it was before. The Crucifixion, Atonement, and Resurrection of Jesus Christ mark the beginning of a Christian life, not the end of it. It was this truth, this reality, that allowed a handful of Galilean fishermen-turned-again-Apostles without “a single synagogue or sword” to leave those nets a second time and go on to shape the history of the world in which we now live."



God lives.  And He sent His beloved Son to Earth so that we could learn of Him.  He sent His son to die for us.  For you and for me.  And because of that love, that infinite and eternal and all encompassing love, we can someday be like Him.  We can someday live with Him.

And at the end of the day, that's a pretty awesome truth to know.

'Till next time.

Emily. 

Losing the Desire and Finding it Again

Before you leave on your mission, the right of passage seems to require you to ride the roller coaster of feelings, emotions, doubts, fears, and all other things crazy.  This last week was tough for me.  I had lost desires to do anything.  To do work, eat, read my scriptures, talk about my mission, or even shower. I felt drained, tired, and somewhat lackluster about life in general.  I was a spiritual, and somewhat physical, couch potato.

http://a.dilcdn.com/bl/wp-content/uploads/sites/8/2012/09/nosedive.jpg

I feel like the picture above almost perfectly describes my inner feelings in the past week.  

So I knew where this was coming from.  Discouragement, disappointment, and despair are the opposite of faith, hope, encouragement.  Because there must be an opposition in all things, the adversary is a very prevalent part of this mortal experience.  His relevance, however, depends on how much of our lives we give him to control.  As a part of the Plan of Salvation, we have been given the opportunity from our Father in Heaven to choose.  Our choices in this life will lead us one of two ways - towards God or away from Him.  However, understanding how we come to make these choices can also bring us great power.  I understood how I was feeling, and I understood where that was coming from.  However my actions, or choices, were directly dependent on my thoughts as well.  David O McKay said, "Every action is preceded by a thought.  If we want to control our actions we must control our thinking."  As I changed my thoughts and shifted them to focus on other things, I found that my choices followed suit.  Because I knew the source of my feelings, I also knew the actions or steps I had to slowly take to change my desires and feelings.  

Friday morning rolled around, and I got out of bed early, took a shower, and got ready for work. Though I really didn't want to, I decided to listen to a conference talk.  I went to the gospel library on my phone, randomly swiped to the April 2010 General Conference and swiped down until my eye caught a talk with the word 'missionary' in the title.  Because this seemed to be one of my problems, I started to listen to it.  The full title of the talk is "The Divine Call of a Missionary" by Ronald A. Rasband, and what he said in that talk seemed to speak directly to my very soul:

"I joined Elder Eyring early one morning in a room where several large computer screens had been prepared for the session. There was also a staff member from the Missionary Department who had been assigned to assist us that day.

First, we knelt together in prayer. I remember Elder Eyring using very sincere words, asking the Lord to bless him to know “perfectly” where the missionaries should be assigned. The word “perfectly” said much about the faith that Elder Eyring exhibited that day.

As the process began, a picture of the missionary to be assigned would come up on one of the computer screens. As each picture appeared, to me it was as if the missionary were in the room with us. Elder Eyring would then greet the missionary with his kind and endearing voice: “Good morning, Elder Reier or Sister Yang. How are you today?”

He told me that in his own mind he liked to think of where the missionaries would conclude their mission. This would aid him to know where they were to be assigned. Elder Eyring would then study the comments from the bishops and stake presidents, medical notes, and other issues relating to each missionary.

He then referred to another screen which displayed areas and missions across the world. Finally, as he was prompted by the Spirit, he would assign the missionary to his or her field of labor...

After assigning a few missionaries, Elder Eyring turned to me as he pondered one particular missionary and said, “So, Brother Rasband, where do you think this missionary should go?” I was startled! I quietly suggested to Elder Eyring that I did not know and that I did not know I could know! He looked at me directly and simply said, “Brother Rasband, pay closer attention and you too can know!” With that, I pulled my chair a little closer to Elder Eyring and the computer screen, and I did pay much closer attention!

A couple of other times as the process moved along, Elder Eyring would turn to me and say, “Well, Brother Rasband, where do you feel this missionary should go?” I would name a particular mission, and Elder Eyring would look at me thoughtfully and say, “No, that’s not it!” He would then continue to assign the missionaries where he had felt prompted.

As we were nearing the completion of that assignment meeting, a picture of a certain missionary appeared on the screen. I had the strongest prompting, the strongest of the morning, that the missionary we had before us was to be assigned to Japan. I did not know that Elder Eyring was going to ask me on this one, but amazingly he did. I rather tentatively and humbly said to him, “Japan?” Elder Eyring responded immediately, “Yes, let’s go there.” And up on the computer screen the missions of Japan appeared. I instantly knew that the missionary was to go to the Japan Sapporo Mission.

Elder Eyring did not ask me the exact name of the mission, but he did assign that missionary to the Japan Sapporo Mission.

Privately in my heart I was deeply touched and sincerely grateful to the Lord for allowing me to experience the prompting to know where that missionary should go.

At the end of the meeting Elder Eyring bore his witness to me of the love of the Savior, which He has for each missionary assigned to go out into the world and preach the restored gospel. He said that it is by the great love of the Savior that His servants know where these wonderful young men and women, senior missionaries, and senior couple missionaries are to serve. I had a further witness that morning that every missionary called in this Church, and assigned or reassigned to a particular mission, is called by revelation from the Lord God Almighty through one of these, His servants."

As I knelt there on my bedroom floor, in my half dressed state, with my hair halfway dry and my blow dryer sitting in my other hand, I bowed my head.  With tears streaming down my face, I thanked Heavenly Father at that moment for the personal revelation that I had just received.  I thanked Him for allowing me to receive the confirmation I needed to know that where I am called to serve as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is more than an assignment that needs to be filled.  It is a divine calling for me.  And as I felt that confirmation of truth, peace and clarity seemed to wash over me, and a new determination to press on in faith occurred.  

Because of the prayer of a young boy in a grove of trees, we know that God still communicates with His children.  Receiving personal revelation for ourselves is one of the greatest blessings that we can have in this life.  I know that to be true now more than ever.  

God is aware of me and He is aware of you.  As we seek, ponder, pray and put good thoughts into action, we will find that we will more clearly see the path back to Him.

God lives. 

He speaks to His children still.

And at the end of the day, that's a pretty awesome truth to know.

'Till next time. 

Emily. 

The Master's Hands

I have been thinking a lot lately of my mission. Shocker, right?  But it's coming up so fast, and life is happening so fast, and it's just crazy!  It seems like yesterday I received my call, finished my student teaching, graduated college....the days and months have flown by.  When I decided I wanted to serve a mission, I wanted to get everything processed as quickly as it could be so I would be in and out of Omaha, lickity split.  Omaha didn't hold anything for me. I viewed it as a holding cell rather than as a place of opportunity.  The Lord always knows best though, and so my waiting period extended from what I hoped would be one month to five.  How blessed I have been.  For the people I have met, the things that I learned, and the person I have become while staying here.  There is a reason I have been in Omaha this long, and even though I still don't know exactly why, I choose to be grateful for the goodness in my life.

Anyways...I digress.  Back to the good ole' mish.  On a mission, you consecrate all your time, energy and efforts fully to the Lord and his purposes.  I am so excited for this opportunity that will allow me to forget about myself and fully focus on what the Lord wants me to do.  I find that I sometimes lack happiness when I do not include other people in my life.  Being a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints uniquely allows me to do just that - surround myself with people in varying stages of spiritual growth and strength and help them in ways I can.  Sometimes I feel that we take people at their face value.  We determine their excellence based upon a criteria that we, or society, have created.  We see people as they are, not what they have the potential to become.  Just like Jethro urged Moses in The Prince of Egpyt to look at his life through the eye's of heaven, we should allow our eyes to align with the views of heaven as we glance at our mortal companions on this journey.  We all sin.  That's a fact.  The toll of sin may be more apparent on some than others.  However, one truth remains.  We are all children of God.  Because we know that truth, what else do we know?  We are all loved by God.  And because of His love for us, He sent His son.


And when I think,
that God His son not sparing,
sent Him to die,
I scarce can take it in.
That on the cross,
my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin.



He sent His son for me and for you and for everyone in this world so that we could learn of Him, become as Him, and eventually return to live with our Father in Celestial Glory.

So.
Let's change how we view one another.  We are masterpieces in various stages of creation and can each become as clay in the Master's hands.  The Atonement is for all.  And my sole purpose for 18 months will be to show and teach and remind people of that plan.  The Plan of Salvation.  The Plan of Happiness.  The plan that allows for us to become like Christ.  Let us allow that plan to be present in our lives as we all strive to be a little better, and see the potential for growth in others.  Let us allow ourselves to see each other through the eye's of heaven as we continue on this mortal journey.

Because, who knows better what a violin has potential to do than the one who helped create it?

Courtesy of: http://ldsnotebookingpages.blogspot.com/2013/09/the-touch-of-masters-hand-free-copywork.html

Regardless of where we've been, regardless of what we've done, the Atonement allows us to change as we allow ourselves to become like new through Christ.

God loves me and He loves you.
And at the end of the day, that's a pretty awesome truth to know.

'Till next time.

Emily. 

After the call : The right clothes vs. The right heart

Mission Shopping.  Hate it.  I wish I was a boy.  Picking out ties sounds like cake.

Some preparation has occurred.  It's important that you clothe yourself, at least!  Check everything off the list.  Order, order, order! Schedule, schedule, schedule!  Check, check, check!  Because of the climate, location and conditions of my mission, my mother and I have spent what seems like countless HOURS sifting through racks upon piles upon walls full of clothes to find the perfect fabrics, lengths, and coverage.  Shoes have been researched, tried on, bought.  "What colors will go with what skirts, and how many outfits can go with each thing, and what will I sweat in the least, and is this fabric light-weight, and we want to look for something that is comfy, and will you like that 6 months from now...."  You have to make sure it will be the right fit.

However, you can get so caught up in a pair of sturdy walking shoes that you forget who you're walking for.

I've been home since May, when I returned from Mesa, AZ after completing my student teaching and graduating with a Bachelor's in Elementary Education.  Pending arrival from the state of Idaho, I will be a certified teacher.  My papers were submitted in June and I received my call in July.  Guam!  How exciting!  How scary.  How long from right now.    

I'm caught in a dead zone.  Where I am waiting to move on to the next stage of my life, my mission.  When I get back, I will launch into my career, because I already have a degree.  I'm doing this a little backwards, I guess.  So any time in between graduation, mission, and career seemed like a waste to me.  But I have found that I need to change my perspective.

I've been viewing this time all wrong, like this waiting period was a holding cell;  pacing back and forth, I allowed myself to create a rut as I paced, paced, paced.  I moved nowhere, and my attention shifted from the date that seemed too far away but will come so soon, and I found myself melting into the monotony and the idleness that came with it.  

You see, it matters little if you have the right clothes if your heart isn't ready.

The prophet Alma, from the Book of Mormon, asks "...have ye been spiritually born of God? Have ye received His image in your countenances?  Have ye experienced this mighty change in your heart?"

Sometimes I feel like in all our lives, we experience times where we forget the significant yet simple truths in our lives.  As we forget, the light of Christ will diminish in our countenances.  At those times, it is important to rekindle the flame.  As I have been pondering this the last couple weeks, I have been able to see how I need to make sure that I am doing the BEST things with my spare time.  Creating daily patterns of living allow me to feed on the daily bread that scriptures, Preach My Gospel, the Spirit, and others can provide, so I can see the bigger picture.

It's the simple things that remind us, remind me of my purpose and why I am finding those shoes to walk in.

I will be walking in His name.
I will be speaking in His name.
I will be praying in His name.
I will be singing in His name.
I will be teaching in His name.

And as I have worked to reestablish those daily patterns, I have found greater light, a light that can only come from our Savior, Jesus Christ.  David A. Bednar said, "If today you are a little better than you were yesterday, then that's enough."  Progression is key.  And as we progress, we will find greater joy.  And it's all because of Him.

I know this to be true. 

He lives.

And because He lives, 

We can change.

And at the end of the day, 

That's a pretty awesome truth to know.

'Till next time!

Emily.

Where to begin?

Start a blog, I said.  It will be fun I said.  I'll make time, I said.

Well, obviously I was kidding myself about being able to actually commit to something and keep doing it.  However, at the encouragement of a good friend, Justine, I have decided to take the plunge into not only recording the awesome doings of my daily life, but also creating a place where I can go back and see the blessings.  So that's what this will be, hopefully.  A history of blessings, life lessons, and probably some embarrassing stories.  Let's be real.  We're talking about me.

Let me give you the quick updates of my life:

I completed my student teaching in Mesa, AZ in April 2014.

I graduated BYU-Idaho with a Bachelor's Degree in Elementary Education in April 2014.

I escaped BYU-Idaho unscathed and unmarked AKA single.

http://everydayfeminism.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/The-Ultimate-Pillow-For-Single-Ladies-Funny-Cute-Picture.jpg

I became an aunt for the second time to one chunk of a baby boy (but I loooove those cheeks!)

My sister, Stephanie, will be returning in February from a 18-month mission for The Church of Jesus Christ Latter Day Saints in the Arizona Gilbert Mission.

The baby, my brother Brandon, graduated from High School and received his mission call to serve as a missionary in the Piracicaba Brazil Mission.  He leaves in mid-October.

My best friend just reported to the Provo Missionary Training Center on Wednesday to prepare to serve as a missionary in the Cleveland Ohio Mission.

And....I report to the same place on October 22  to serve as a missionary in the Micronesia Guam Mission!

So.
There's the update.
Three missionaries out.
And my parents will soon be empty nesters.

Life has been crazy in so many respects in the last 6 months.  Decisions are crazy things, especially when lots of prayer and faith is required.  As we completely put our trust in the Lord, we will find that our lives will be enriched in ways that we didn't realize they could be.  I know that to be true, and when I struggle to find that truth, I just look at my life as realize what I have blessed with with.

So, the blessings:
- I have been blessed to have a job not only that will take me back but that welcomes me back with open arms.
-I am blessed with a stable family home where I am able to still be blessed and nourished by daily patterns of spiritual living through family scriptures and prayer.
-I am healthy.
-I have not brought any physical harm to myself, which is a miracle if you have ever seen me play volleyball.
-I have people that care about me, pray for me, and watch over me.
-Goodwill shopping.  It's good for the soul.


That's all for today.  My new goal is to post at least weekly, if not more.  I hope that as I continue to update and post, I will not only begin to see the patterns of blessings in my own life, but understand what my role is.
God is real.  He loves me and you.
 And at the end of the day, that's a pretty awesome truth to know.

'Til next time. :)

Emily. 

Fear

One of the biggest things I fear is death.  I know that it is something I shouldn’t fear; I should be able to stare at the Grim Reaper straight in his cold, soulless eyes and say, “Bring it on!  I’m going straight to the top, and there isn’t anything you can do to stop me!”  But sometimes my “unshakable faith” can get pretty shakable.  So many “what ifs” start to pop up, like those weeds in your flower garden that never seem to go away, no matter how many times you try to kill them.  They can choke you, squeezing and squeezing, wrapping tighter and tighter around you...until there’s no air to breath, and hope seems lost.  “What if I go blind, deaf, or lose a limb?” “I could lose my hair, my mind, or my life.” “What if I get in a car accident, get mugged, raped, shot?”  Sometimes my brain feels like it will explode under the pressure of these bottled up fears that are swirling around faster and faster, and growing in size and force.
            I fear the uncertainty and defenselessness that comes from not knowing what could happen with my life.  I’m not ready to die.  I’m not ready to tell my family, bald from the chemotherapy, weak from the drugs in my last moments of life, that I love them, and to never give up; never lose hope or faith.  Will I be able to laugh when I lose a husband, child, parent or friend?  Am I ready for that despair, that empty black nothingness that threatens to swallow me and never release?  I don’t know.  Every day, change happens, both good and bad.  And while some people just live life with a “come what may” attitude, I live by creating scenarios.
             Scenario #1: A baby enters the world; it’s a girl!  The parents are overjoyed, so in love with this bundle of life that has been given to them.  Already the mother can see her taking her first steps across the living room, up the stairs, into school, across the stage and down the aisle.  For a moment, the future flashes before her eyes; a short film recap of the wonderful events to come in this family and infant’s life.
            Scenario #2: Across the hall, a couple waits for someone to come with news, something, anything but this overwhelming silence and the ticking of the clock on the opposite wall.  Tick Tick Tick.  The clock itself seems to represent a time bomb that is bound to go off any minute, and the contents of it will explode, each piece of shrapnel flying off in every which way to plant its destructive contents deep into the lives of the unsuspecting.  The husband’s eyes are sunken, and one look into his face will tell a story of many sleepless nights, and numerous trips to the hospital in the back of an ambulance with his wife sobbing at his side.  And now here he is, in this waiting room that feels more like a holding cell, a prison for all his fear and doubts, waiting with his wife to hear the news of their premature baby girl, born with heart, lung and brain complications.  Doctors don’t know if she’ll make it through the next night, the next surgery, or even the next hour.  And as their daughter fights for a life she may not keep, the father calculates the figures: Three jobs should keep them above ground, and will pay for the diapers, bottles, formula, clothes, and surgeries.  More and more surgeries.  But all he can do is sit waiting in that room with the nurse and her sad smile, his wife, and watch the clock on the opposite wall, living every second in fear that that knob will turn, praying it does yet hoping it doesn’t.
            I fear having the inability to move on, to pick myself up off the floor, dust my hands and keep on walking, moving forward and further down the path that I have chosen for myself.  Sometimes life feels like a moonlit drive, cruising down a back road with the scent of honeysuckle in your nose.  Everything is as it should be.  The stars are out, and the night air caresses your skin, when suddenly you hit a roadblock, a deer perhaps, throwing a wrench in your plans, the perfect blueprints that you spent so much time and effort creating.  As you stare down at the wreckage that you call your life, sometimes it feels impossible to keep going onward, to not retreat and back up into a hole and stay there forever in a hibernation that will last through this never ending winter.  And you get so sleepy, so tired of all this noise and hurt and anger.  Why wake up?  Just sleep, sleep and forget all these problems, all these roadblocks with their bright signs, urging you to pick up your shattered self and move along down some road, some path that’s anywhere but here.
            Everywhere, everyday, all the time, change is happening.  And that frightens me.  And sometimes it’s hard to take that gamble, to trust in someone that you cannot see.  Because this time you’re going to have to put your heart on the line, lead with your faith and leap.  Leap into the vast unknown, a place where many voyagers seem to never return from.  Some people shipwreck, you see, and start to drown in the turmoil of their sorrows that is brought from this change.  They sink deeper and deeper, not having the faith, the courage, or the guts to reach out and take His hand.
            But just when it seems that nothing can change, that you can never reassemble the shards of yourself scattered in every direction, that is when you get down on your knees.  You pray to God, to Allah, to the creator of the universe for the strength needed to go on, and change that fear to faith.  And slowly, so slowly, that faith will move the mountains of fear looming over you from all sides, stone after stone, pebble after pebble, until you will again see that path, straight and narrow, leading you back to the one place you long to be: home.